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Dirty Haikus

Dirty Haikus

Jane has won 3 Golden Dick Trophies (and technically 5 battles) in the epic poem showdown at the underground art fightclub known as Tourette's Without Regrets. WARNING: The following poetry is horribly filthy, offensive, insulting and accurate.

4th of July

you promised freedom

she prefers British tea bags

to your John Hancock


Nathan’s hot dog eating contest

Joey Chesnut wins

but your mom could beat him on

any fucking day


you get horny when

fireworks explode cause your

Uncle Sam touched you


you and Ben Franklin

share some similarities

namely syphilis  

Beast Crawl

Sent me a dick pic

promised me a big pickle

looks like a gherkin


finger up the butt

at least that’s what your boy thought

it was just your dick


tell Obamacare

women don’t need birth control

your face will do fine


*honk honk*

ass like a wee car

clowns flock to it with cocks out

so many fit in


hubble telescope

houston we have a problem

we can’t find his dick

August vs Jesse Hett

stuffed with bearded dicks

describes both outside lands and

your mother’s pussy  


You’re so white and bland

You look like Jeb Bush jizzed on

an old ritz cracker


your voice is soothing

but nothing puts girls to sleep

like you fucking them


Boys wish they could stop

Fucking your mom, but they’re trapped

under her fat ass

they call you “greased pole”

no strippers will touch your dick

it’s too dangerous


your hometown knows your

mom’s back is stickier than

Donald Trump’s toup-tape



when a bright white dick slides in

to your brown butthole


gays call you Jim Beam

as soon as they drink you in

they get whiskey dick


tell Obamacare

women don’t need birth control

your face will do fine


rescued by copters

a girl went missing in your

cavernous pussy