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Dirty Haikus

Dirty Haikus

Jane has won 3 Golden Dick Trophies (and technically 5 battles) in the epic poem showdown at the underground art fightclub known as Tourette's Without Regrets. WARNING: The following poetry is horribly filthy, offensive, insulting and accurate.


4th of July

you promised freedom

she prefers British tea bags

to your John Hancock

 

Nathan’s hot dog eating contest

Joey Chesnut wins

but your mom could beat him on

any fucking day

 

you get horny when

fireworks explode cause your

Uncle Sam touched you

 

you and Ben Franklin

share some similarities

namely syphilis  


Beast Crawl

Sent me a dick pic

promised me a big pickle

looks like a gherkin

 

finger up the butt

at least that’s what your boy thought

it was just your dick

 

tell Obamacare

women don’t need birth control

your face will do fine

 

*honk honk*

ass like a wee car

clowns flock to it with cocks out

so many fit in

 

hubble telescope

houston we have a problem

we can’t find his dick


August vs Jesse Hett

stuffed with bearded dicks

describes both outside lands and

your mother’s pussy  

 

You’re so white and bland

You look like Jeb Bush jizzed on

an old ritz cracker

 

your voice is soothing

but nothing puts girls to sleep

like you fucking them

 

Boys wish they could stop

Fucking your mom, but they’re trapped

under her fat ass
 

they call you “greased pole”

no strippers will touch your dick

it’s too dangerous

 

your hometown knows your

mom’s back is stickier than

Donald Trump’s toup-tape

 

gentrification

when a bright white dick slides in

to your brown butthole

 

gays call you Jim Beam

as soon as they drink you in

they get whiskey dick

 

tell Obamacare

women don’t need birth control

your face will do fine

 

rescued by copters

a girl went missing in your

cavernous pussy